Help Desk - Known error base
last updated: 16, April 2000
| abUSER: S. Marty Pants | INCIDENT: 00001 |
|
DESC: User submitted incident via E-mail "My 'eeeeeee' keeeeeey seeeeems to beeeeee stuck. I think I neeeeeeed a neeeeeew keeeeeeyboard...." |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Smartarse |
|
| abUSER: D. Head | INCIDENT: 00002 |
|
DESC: TECH SUPPORT: "OK Bob let's press the control & escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P'. CUSTOMER : "I don't have a P." TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard Bob." CUSTOMER : "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT: "P on your keyboard Bob" CUSTOMER : "I'm not going to do that!" |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Brain deficiency |
|
| abUSER: A.Plonker | INCIDENT: 00003 |
|
DESC: "It says press the 'any' key. But there isn't an 'any' key on my keyboard |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Brain deficiency |
|
| abUSER: A.Nerd | INCIDENT: 00004 |
|
DESC: CUSTOMER:"hello, is this Tech Support?" TECH SUPPORT: "Yes it is.How may I help you?" CUSTOMER : "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" TECH SUPPORT: "I'm sorry, did you say cup holder?" CUSTOMER : "Yes, it's atached to the front of my computer." TECH SUPPORT: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit confused, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trade mark on it? CUSTOMER : "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: At this point the Tech Specialist had to mute the caller, because he could not stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and had snapped it off. |
|
| abUSER: A.Hole | INCIDENT: 00005 |
|
DESC: TECH SUPPORT: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" CUSTOMER : "Well my wife likes to get up there on that Internet and she downloaded ten hours of free space. is that enough?" |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Geek |
|
| abUSER: A.Tosser | INCIDENT: 00006 |
|
DESC: CUSTOMER called to say he couldn't get his computer to FAX anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, Tech support discovered the USER was trying to FAX a piece of paper by holding the paper in front of the monitor and hitting the "SEND" key. |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Should be put down |
|
| abUSER: A.Nohoper | INCIDENT: 00007 |
|
DESC: MAN "Uh, I'm trying to send an e-mail to my daughter and she's not receiving it..." TECH SUPPORT: "Okay sir, what is her e-mail address?" MAN "I don't know....she doesn't even have a computer....can't I send it to the Post Office?" |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Neanderthal |
|
| abUSER: A.Nohoper | INCIDENT: 00008 |
|
DESC: TECH SUPPORT: "....Sir something has burned in your power supply." CUSTOMER: "I bet there is some command I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT that would take care of this." TECH SUPPORT: "There is nothing software can do to help this problem." CUSTOMER: "I know there is something I can put in....some command.... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.... -after a few minutes of going round and round - TECH SUPPORT: "OK, I'm not supposed to tell anyone this, but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer." (Customer does as instructed!) CUSTOMER: "It is still smoking" TECH SUPPORT: "I guess you'll need to call MICROSOFT and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE." (Customer then hangs up.....he calls back 4 hours later) TECH SUPPORT: "Hello sir, how is your computer?" CUSTOMER: "II called MICROSOFT and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done, and how much will it cost... |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Gullable Geek |
|
| abUSER: A.Tosser | INCIDENT: 00009 |
|
DESC: CUSTOMER: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." TECH SUPPORT: "What seems to be the problem?" CUSTOMER: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out of the left.......It's DEFECTIVE...." TECH SUPPORT: "You can solve the problem by by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." CUSTOMER: "Splutter..." (CLICK) TECH SUPPORT: "Plonker..." |
|
|
CLASSIFICATION: Plonker |
|
More incidents to be added
Find them on:
http://wkweb5.cablenet.co.uk/DANDEB/compuser.htm
http://www.shults.com/hypermail/jokes/1067.html